We Come In Peace

So here I am, hard at work reading the Mars Attacks comic when the thought strikes me: why are they so angry?

Wherever they turn up in fiction* Martians always attack. Why do we never see Mars Learns To Salsa, or Mars Does The Lottery or Mars Goes For A Picnic? I know Mars was the god of war, but don’t they have any hobbies that don’t involve world conquest, medical experimentation or bio-weapons?

As the president said, “Why can’t we all just get along?”



* As opposed to real Martians.

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28 Responses to We Come In Peace

  1. Robert Allen says:

    I note that the name of the game is Mars Attacks. A rethinking of that might cause some project friction.

  2. Jake says:

    Jealousy I imagine. A hatred/Racism? or a kind of Sadism that exists loosely within our species?
    Though I do have high hopes for ‘The hills are alive with the sound of Martians!’

  3. bigpatchop says:

    That is because most Martians are lazy couch potatoes that spend all day drinking beer and watching American TV through illegal descrambling boxes. Fiction writers have to spice them up to make their stories interesting.
    No one wants to read “Mars Illegality Pirates Movies”

  4. Ben says:

    If Marvin the Martian is to believe, Earth blocks their view of Venus.

    We’ve had our own share of intrusions into Mars. John Carter interferes in their wars an sleeps with their best looking women, In Futurama, we took and exploited the planet from the natives, and Ray Bradbury and Larry Niven both have had us wiping them all out! Win some, lose some.

    • Quirkworthy says:

      But humans are peace-loving creatures! The Martians must have started it.

    • fiendil says:

      There’s a Moorcock series set on Mars too. Sure I read that once, and it was about a human getting stuck there and helping to sort out conflicts between factions. Probably by killing some of them, seeing as it was part of the Eternal Champion arc.

      • Quirkworthy says:

        Eternal champions killing stuff? Whatever next?

        It’s been so many years since I read any of those books that I can’t remember the details. Sounds entirely credible though.

  5. Lance King says:

    Hey, this message is pretty racist, isn’t it? What alien race has ever come to earth with good intentions? Let’s not single out one group! They all hate us and want what we have. Do you think (really) foreign aid would calm them down?

    Sent from my iPad3

    • Quirkworthy says:

      Well there is the theory explained in the Mars Attacks film that any race that is high tech enough to get here would have resolved their issues with conflict long ago and so be enlightened and peace loving.

      Yeah, I don’t believe that either.

  6. estragonsfigs says:

    It’s a trope, not supposed to be internally consistent.


  7. Deaven R. says:

    I’m sure you all know this, but the real reason that Martians are warlike is because Mars is the god of war. It is also the Red Planet – evocative of blood – and the ancients believed that when it was prominent in the sky it brought out the martial tendencies in men.

  8. mlhphotology says:

    If I was a Martian i would want to attack earth and its daft pinky hairy apes that spend most their time sleeping or staring into glowing screens where evere they maybe !!!

  9. It’s because when we show up on their planet we draw pictures of penises…


  10. grantdyck says:

    Ack! Ack! Ack!

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